Once again, I'm a day late. I needed yesterday to veg out with a film festival of Showgirls, Sid & Nancy, and To Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything! Julie Newmar. But I was thinking about my week in bullet points. The more I thought about it, however, I realized it would just be one bullet point as my week pretty much revolved around one event, an event that would define my week in a matter of two days. My week is worthy of a full-fledged post. So here's what happened to me last week, just in case you missed it.
It started out badly. Monday was emotionally draining on a level I had not experienced in a long time. Things were said by people in different areas of my life that were hurtful. The words themselves are not important to this story. What is important to know is how these words made me feel. At the end of the first row, I felt shunned, unlikeable, and stripped of my power. By the end of the second, I felt as if there was nothing I could do to please anyone. I was ready to give up.
On Tuesday morning, I woke up with a new outlook. It occurred to me that I was stronger than I had been made to feel the day before. I felt powerful and ambitious. My vision was clear. Rather than getting down on myself because of things other people had to say, I said, "Fuck 'em." I didn't have the time to worry about petty arguments because I had the IIFA State Forensics tournament to work towards. It had been a fabulous tournament the year before (taking all three of my events to finals, connecting with my team), and I was determined to make this year even better.
With a packed coaching schedule and Lady Gaga on repeat in my car, I had a goal: Ignore the haters and break at least two events to finals. I spent the week focused on staying strong and finding the vulnerability necessary to make my events as amazing as they could be. I felt more prepared than I ever have before a tournament.
I performed my ass off at the tournament on Friday and Saturday. I strutted around Northern Illinois University with purpose and confidence. I never questioned myself or compared myself to other competitors. I laid everything out for the world to see and it felt good.
Turns out that all the hard work I put in paid off: not only did I break all four of my events to finals, but I finished in the top three of each event. It was an incredible feeling and a tremendous personal accomplishment. I visualized my ideal outcome and I made it happen. Pretty friggin' cool, right?
So from now on, I'm not going to let other people stand in the way of not only what I want from life, but what I need from life. I need to look out for myself, to do what's best for me. I need to remind myself daily to truly own my life and my decisions. I will not be taken down by those who are threatened by my strength and I will not compromise my needs because I want to please everyone.
This week served as the ultimate proof that I have the power to make things happen for me. I have the strength to get what I need from life. I feel like I really do have the strength and the capability to make big, scary changes in my life, changes that will bring me relief, happiness, and fulfillment.